When Joe\u2019s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, \u201cLife isn\u2019t worth living. I think I\u2019m gonna top myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t be stupid, Joe,\u201d said the psychiatrist.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy wife ran off and left me too, yet I\u2019m happy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow?\u201d asked Joe. \u201cEasy,\u201d replied the quack. \u201cI threw myself into my work.<\/p>\n
I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI clean out septic tanks,\u201d Joe replied. =============================================
In order to pay his medical school tuition, Thomas Merrick was working two jobs over the summer.<\/p>\n
By day, he worked at LeClaire\u2019s Market\u2014a butcher shop. He wore a stiff white coat splattered with crimson and trimmed fat. By night, he transformed.<\/p>\n
Down at St. Ambrose Hospital, he traded cleavers for stretchers. As an orderly on the graveyard shift, his white coat now clean and crisp, worn over hospital scrubs.<\/p>\n
One night, long past midnight, Thomas was called to prepare a patient for surgery. Room 216. Elderly woman.<\/p>\n
Appendectomy. He arrived with his usual calm, smiled softly, gently eased the gurney beside her bed, and began to help the nurses ready her for the trip down to the OR. She was pale.<\/p>\n
Small. Her eyes fluttered open, cloudy but alert. As Thomas leaned in to adjust the straps, the room froze.<\/p>\n
Her eyes locked onto him\u2014wide, horrified. Her lips trembled. Then, as if struck by lightning, she bolted upright and screamed with the terror of a woman who believed her last hour had come:<\/p>\n
\u201cGod save me!<\/p>\n
It\u2019s the butcher!\u201d<\/p>\n
=============================================
Lisa & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lisa was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, \u2018 Why are you throwing those nails away?\u2019<\/p>\n
Lisa explained, \u2018When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.\u2019<\/p>\n
Judy got completely upset & yelled, \u2018You moron!<\/p>\n
Those nails aren\u2019t defective! They\u2019re for the other side of the house!\u2019<\/p>\n
=============================================
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.<\/p>\n
When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits. His co-worker said he should reconsider. Chicago was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, sites, good public transportation, etc.<\/p>\n
Then he said: \u201cWhy I myself worked in Chicago for almost 10 years, and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working.\u201d<\/p>\n
The first asked \u201cWhat did you do there?\u201d<\/p>\n
To which the other replied, \u201cI was tail-gunner on a bread truck.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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